The Case of “What Is It?”
Hear this story read aloud.
A Rough Morning and a New Case
It was one of those mornings when the coffee just wasn’t strong enough, and my fedora had a slight tilt that said, “Don’t mess with me until the second cup.” The sun was peeking over the rooftops like it was still trying to decide if it wanted to be awake. I was behind the wheel of my old trusty woody wagon, that beautiful jalopy that’s been with me through more cases than I care to count. The dashboard rattled just enough to let me know she was still kicking.
Breakfast Interrupted
I was heading to my usual morning spot, the Greasy Spoon, where Flo, the sassiest waitress this side of the Mason-Dixon, had my eggs waiting before I even hit the parking lot.
“Rough night or just your face, Stone Boy?” she asked as I slid into the booth. That’s why I love Flo—sharp tongue, hotter coffee.
Before I could even add my second packet of sugar, the phone rang. That phone only rings for one reason: stone trouble.“Stone Detective here.”
The voice on the other end was shaky.“They told me I had granite countertops… but something feels off.”
Just like that, the day had purpose.
A Case of Countertop Confusion
The house was pure Pinterest perfection. The homeowner—nice lady, mid-forties, nervous—led me straight to the kitchen like it was a crime scene.
The countertops? Gorgeous. Consistent. Sparkly.
Too sparkly.
I pulled out my loupe and gave the surface a good once-over. Then, with a touch of flair, I dragged a magnet across the top. Dramatic effect, mostly.“It’s not granite,” I said.
She gasped. “It’s not?”“Nope. This is quartz. Man-made. Engineered. Still a solid material, just not natural stone.”
Granite vs. Quartz – The Breakdown
I gave her the quick version:
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Quartz is engineered from crushed stone and resin.
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It’s uniform, sparkly, and lacks natural pits or veining.
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It’s durable, low maintenance, and non-porous—but it ain’t granite.
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If someone sold her on granite and gave her quartz? Well, that’s a problem.“Is it dangerous?” she asked.
“Only if you pick it up and throw it at someone,” I replied.
Case Closed
On the way back to the Spoon, the sun finally broke through the haze. Flo was waiting with a smirk.“Well? Was it granite?”“Nope. Quartz in disguise.”
She slid a plate of apple pie in front of me. “Another one fooled by the sparkle. Sit down, Stone Boy.”
And with that first bite of pie, I smiled. Another mystery solved. Another kitchen unmasked. Just another day in the life of the Stone Detective.
